There is still not a day that goes by that I don't think of Noah. Sometimes I wonder how different our life would be if he was still here. Mostly though I go back to those days in the hospital when we laid in antepartum hoping he would stay inside for weeks and then those 12 days in the NICU.
I relive the first moment we got to touch him with our hand, how scared I was to change his diaper, how we'd watch his monitors continuously hoping and praying each day would be a good day and he would eventually graduate from the NICU. I remember standing by his bedside whispering how much I loved him and talking to him hoping he could hear me but knowing he probably couldn't over the sounds of the monitors and the alarms. I remember thinking how precious he looked and how perfectly made he was... even at just 24 weeks. I remember feeling love for him that was immeasurable from the moment my eyes first saw him. That is how I mostly remember him.
While there are still moments of sadness, and I don't think I'll ever get over losing him, I have come to a point where I can smile when I talk about him, where the tears don't have to come when I share his story and where I find joy in knowing while short, his life meant something and he has made a difference. I even have found life to be filled with great happiness and joy.... things I thought were lost when his heart stopped beating on that oh so difficult day on June 25, 2015.
But life is good, and we feel love and joy again...
And that is all because of so many of you. Noah's Kindness Project was born out of deep grief and a desire to try to heal our hearts and to give back because so many had given so much to us. In the late summer of 2015, when Jarrett and I and our family were feeling grief beyond measure, we wanted to do something to remember Noah, and to celebrate goodness, kindness and love. For those were qualities we felt overwhelmingly during his life, not only because we loved him so much, but because we were carried by so many others who helped us beyond belief.
Now, at least to us, and we hope to others, it Noah's Kindness Project has become a day of service rooted in kindness, in joy and in fun... as we each do our own contribution to try to make this world a better place.
As the brainstorming of what Noah's Kindness Project was formed, we always wanted it to be a project that gave freedom and choice to others in the ways they wanted to participate and to share kindness. We know there are millions of ways to share kindness with others, and one of the things we enjoy the most about NKP is that we get to see so many different ways that people choose to give kindness.
It doesn't have to be something major, simply holding the door for someone, greeting a stranger with a smile and a hello... how ever minor you think it is, it may be something major for the person you are sharing it with.
It can be the gift of food, the gift of time, the gift of service.... there are so many ways. What we love most is hearing from you... seeing your efforts, the different ways you choose to participate.
So I ask you today to please start considering the ways you can share kindness with others. I'm sure for the majority of you, sharing kindness is a part of your everyday activities. If I may so selfishly ask, to please save the date of September 28 and to join us in celebrating kindness in Noah's memory. It means so much to us to know that his legacy is remembered and that because of his life, the world can feel more kind, even in the smallest and tiniest of ways.
Thank you for always being so supportive of our family and for helping to remember him. Not a day goes by that our family doesn't think about or notice part of our family is missing. Just this past Friday, the kids and I were driving Gabe to practice and it just so happened we left the house when the sun was shining and it was raining. As we backed out of our driveway, the rainbow greeted us with vivid colors.
The first thing the kids shouted when we saw the rainbow was that it was Noah saying hi. We all smile with joy and feel love when we see rainbows and while we always will miss him and wish he was with us, we do feel happiness and a shared belief that he is with us in a different way. Even Madelyn, who never met him or knew what that time was like, knows about Noah and the joy the rainbow brings us. On our way we ended up seeing 5 different rainbows, and Michael commented Noah really wanted us to know he was with us.
Our saying for NKP is that we hope to be a Rainbow in Someone's Cloud, because the rainbow reminds us of him, and that he is still with us. We see rainbows and smile.... we saw Noah and he made us smile. We think of the love and kindness we were given during his life and we smile.
Noah's Kindness Project is not only a celebration of the life Noah had, but just as much as a celebration of the kindness and love you have shared. We will be forever grateful for the community that has supported us. We give thanks then and now. Thank you for your continued support and for being a part of the fifth annual Noah's Kindness Project.
We look forward to seeing all the ways you will share kindness on September 28. And thank you for sharing them with us on our Facebook group page.
With sincere gratitude.
Until next time,
Angie and Jarrett
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